[[File:Etykieta Leszek.jpg|thumb|upright|A 2002 label of Leszek Premium beer brand]]
Let’s start with simpler questions: who was this Lestek the White? And did he really intend to take the cross and travel to the Holy Land?
Lestek, known as "``the White" due to his blond hair, was one of the youngest grandsons of Boleslav Wrymouth,<ref>I've adjusted the spelling of all medieval Polish names in this post to make them more pronounceable to English speakers. Back then, people didn't even know how spell their own names, so I believe that's OK.</ref> the duke who divided Poland amongst his sons. Boleslav’s sons divided their parts among their sons and so forth, with Poland growing into a loose collection of ever smaller duchies. In Lestek’s times, the political situation in Poland resembled that in the novels of the ''A Song of Ice and Fire'' series by George R.R. Martin. In Westeros there is supposedly one realm with one king, but in fact each of the eight regions (the old seven kingdoms plus the Riverlands) is ruled by a local great lord. All these lords are constantly fighting each other by all means possible – from diplomatic marriages to kidnappings, poisonings, assassinations, to all-out wars. The nominal king is whoever, at the given moment, controls the capital city and is able to physically sit on the Iron Throne.
In 13th-century Poland there was also supposedly a single kingdom (but no king) divided into several regions, each ruled by a local duke – a grandson or great-grandson of Boleslav Wrymouth – aided by local lords. All (or almost all) of these dukes were constantly fighting each other by all means possible – from diplomatic marriages to kidnappings, poisonings, assassinations, to all-out wars. The nominal high duke of all Poland was whoever, at the given moment, controlled the capital city and was able to physically sit on the throne in Cracow. Starting from the year 1205, this would have been our Lestek.
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[[File:leszek bez piwa.jpg|thumb|left|"``What do you mean, no beer?"]]So it’s true! It’s this one brief mention in the papal letter that made future historians label Lestek as a lazy, obese drunk. Especially that "``having changed habit into nature" sounds very much like a nice euphemism for "``being an alcoholic". But there’s a few things here that don’t look right…
First of all, what kind of alcoholism makes you drink beer and mead, but stay away from wine? Secondly, how come the pope bought an excuse so flimsy? And does "``''corporis gravedine gravis''" really mean "``heavy in his body"? This Latin fragment could be also translated as "``being full of catarrh" or "``suffering from a heavy cold". Anyway, I suspect that Lestek was trying to excuse his failure to join the crusade with some grave illness, and the necessity to replace wine and water in his diet with beer and mead was not necessarily his personal preference, but a medical prescription. Yes, I know, neither a cold nor being overweight would let me get away with not showing up to work, but perhaps medieval attitudes to sick leaves were more relaxed?
It’s also possible that the pope was simply being sarcastic. What he meant was perhaps something like, "``look at this northern brute who promised to go on a crusade, but now says he doesn't feel like it! The fat drunken sloth who probably can't even live without those barbaric northern drinks like beer and mead!" But if this was the case, then what convinced the pope to forgive Lestek and not excommunicate him after all? Well, what could have worked was what the duke offered as a replacement.
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A short time before that, Conrad concluded that his brother’s peaceful approach towards the Prussians was going nowhere and it would be better to hire the Teutonic Knights to do the job of converting his pagan neighbours. It must have seemed like a good idea at the time; who would have known that he had just caused Poland a series of problems that would only end in 1945? For the time being, it just meant less trouble with the Prussians.
It would only be the next generation of Polish dukes who had to face an invasion so terrifying, that the Prussian raids would seem like a mild nuisance in comparison. Even the combined forces of the Teutonic Knights and the sons of Lestek and Henry the Bearded were unable to stop the hosts led by the Night King— I mean, Baidar, grandson of Chinghis Khan<ref>"``Chinghis Khan" is a less common spelling than "``Genghis Khan", but it's closer to original Mongolian pronunciation.</ref> (who, incidentally, had died the same year as Lestek). Apart from fire and destruction, did these Mongol-Tatar hordes also bring recipës for tartar sauce and steak tartare? Well, that’s a topic for another post.
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