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== Follow the Japanese ==
[[File:Follow the Japanese.jpg|thumb|upright|left|For real]]
Let's start with where the confusion came from. The Polish word "''"śledź"''" (pronounced: {{pron|shletch}}) is the imperative mood of the verb "''"śledzić"''", meaning "to follow", "to trace" or "to spy". But it's also got another, completely unrelated, meaning, which would be more fitting in this context: it's "herring". So a better translation of "''"śledź po japońsku"''" would have been "herring in the Japanese style ". Now what the heck is that?
The Japanese-style herring is a very appetising appetiser that was quite popular in Communist Poland. The recipe largely boils down to wrapping a marinated herring fillet around a hard-boiled egg. Perhaps the idea of wrapping a piece of uncooked fish around something reminded someone of ''maki sushi'' rolls, giving rise to its association with Japanese cuisine? Otherwise, this Polish invention has about as much to do with Japan as Hawaiian pizza has to do with Hawaii.
After the cold starter it's time for a hot one: ''pierogi ze szpinakiem i fetą'', or dumplings with spinach and, um… celebration?
''Pierogi'', the delicious Polish stuffed and boiled dumplings, often go hand in hand with celebration, that's true. One kind, sauerkraut-and-mushroom ''pierogi'', is traditionally served at the Christmas Eve dinner. In fact, the very word "''"pierogi"''" comes from ''"*''pirŭ"''", the Proto-Slavic term for a feast. Pierogi are a celebratory food ''par excellence''.
But the spinach in our ''pierogi'' wasn't mixed with ''feta'', the Polish equivalent of a ''fête'', but with feta, the Greek brined cheese. Add some garlic and you're going to have a truly delightful ''pierogi'' filling. While not as classic as potato-and-cheese, ground-meat or mushroom-and-kraut varieties, spinach-filled ''pierogi'' are nonetheless both tasty and popular.
And, well, it could have been worse. After all, it's not only Polish businesses catering to English-speaking patrons that make translation mistakes; the same may happen to U.S. businesses selling supposedly Polish food to Polish Americans. Like the one that confused the Polish words "''"szpinak"''" ("spinach") and "''"spinacz"''" ("paper clip"). Office-supplies ''pierogi'', anyone?
[Przepis na pierogi ze szpinakiem i fetą]
The restaurant's spokesperson said they would be "having a word with [their] translator". By which, I suppose, they meant they would be trying to hold a conversation with Google Translate.
Let's see what happened here step by step. The original Polish name for the key ingredient is "''"szyjki rakowe"''" (pronounced: {{pron|shiy|kee}} {{pron|Rah|kaw|veh}}). "''"Szyjki"''" could be literally translated as "little necks", but in this case it refers to crayfish tails (which, technically, are neither tails nor necks, but [https://aquariumbreeder.com/crayfish-external-anatomy/ abdomina]). "''"Rak"''", the Polish word for crayfish, is also used for most things that the English language refers to by the Latin word for "crab", that is, "cancer" – such as the Zodiac sign and, yes, the disease too. And specifically, "''"rak szyjki macicy"''", or "cancer of the neck of the womb", is the Polish medical term for cervical cancer. "''"Szyjki rakowe"''" and "''"rak szyjki"''" may look and sound similar, but the difference in meaning is that between delicious and disgusting.
In any case, if you haven't sampled crayfish soup, then you definitely should give this classic Polish dish a try! Throwing the poor crustaceans live into boiling water may seem cruel, but it's actually the most humane way of killing them as they die instantly.
== Denmark from Chicken ==
[[File:Denmark from Chicken.jpg|thumb|Something is rotten in this bilingual menu from a Chinese restaurant in Poland]]
Is this some kind of Nordic version of chicken Kiev? Not really. You see, "''"Dania"'' (with capital D) is the Polish name for the country of Denmark. But "''"dania"''" (with lower-case D and a marginally different pronunciation) is the Polish word for dishes or courses. So "''"dania z kurczaka"''" is not so much a single preparation as it's the title of a whole section of a menu, devoted to chicken dishes in general. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with the state of Denmark.
I suppose you still expect a recipe, though, don't you? Okay, so let's pick what is perhaps the most Polish chicken dish you can find, which is the ''kurczę pieczone po polsku'', or liver-stuffed roasted chicken in the Polish style.
[[File:Kurki.jpg|thumb|left|upright|''Kurki:'' which could they mean?]]
Among the many different meanings of the English "cock", the vulgar term for the male member is particularly well known. The rooster has been a symbol of male virility in many cultures. Among Slavic languages, Bulgarian makes the same association, with ''"kur"'' referring to both the cocky bird and a man's cock (''"patka"'' is another vulgar Bulgarian word for the latter, which makes Bulgarians laugh every time they hear ''"kuropatka"''" – which means "partridge" in Russian and "cock-dick" in Bulgarian; gotta love these Slavic false friends). ''"Kur"'' also gave rise to the vulgar word for a prostitute (a woman whose job involves handling penes) in all Slavic languages, including Polish. But I digress; the sauce definitely wasn't made from phalli!
Besides, the Polish word was ''"kurki"'', a diminutive form of ''"kury"''. Depending on the context, it could mean young chickens, weathercocks, stopcocks,… But none of these seem to fit into the culinary sphere. So what does?