A Menu Lost in Translation

On this first day of April, I'd like to propose a special dinner menu composed entirely of authentic Polish specialities. All of these dishes have been gleaned from actual English-language menus of various restaurants across Poland. Enjoy!

Oops, it looks like someone used a machine translator to render the Polish menu into English. Believe it or not, even some relatively upscale restaurants do this without so much as having the menu proof-read by someone who actually speaks English. Even though the results are sometimes hilarious, some are confusing, and some are downright off-putting to any visiting foreign tourist. Again, all of the mistranslations above were actually printed on menus (though never all at once)!

So, have you figured out what they were supposed to mean? You can type your guesses as comments to this Facebook post. Unless you speak Polish, then you don't need to guess.

Click "Show actual meanings" below to see the correct answers!

Follow the Japanese [1] Let's start with where the confusion came from. The Polish word "śledź" (pronounced shledge) is the imperative form of the verb "śledzić", meaning "to follow" or "to investigate". But it's also got another meaning, which would be more fitting in this context: "herring". So a better translation of "śledź po japońsku" would have been "Japanese-style herring". Now what the heck is that? The Japanese-style herring has probably about as much to do with Japan as Hawaiian pizza has to do with Hawaii. In fact, it's a very appetizing appetizer that was quite popular in Communist-era Poland. The recipe largely boils down to wrapping a marinated herring fillet around a hard-boiled egg. Perhaps the idea of wrapping a piece of fish around something reminded someone of maki sushi, giving rise to the Japanese association? The egg and the fish are typically arranged on a bed of canned green peas laced with mayo and decorated with slices of onions and pickles. The combination of fishy, salty, sour and fatty flavours means that this simple hors d'œuvre pairs perfectly with a shot of cold neat vodka. Here's a recipe written in the industrial style reminiscent of the Communist era: Bill of materials for 5 helpings: herring fillets – 100 g onion – 100 g eggs (5 each) – 250 g mayonnaise – 100 g green peas – 200 g cucumbers, pickled or fresh – 50 g ground paprika sugar to taste 6% vinegar Hard-boil and peel the eggs. Strain the peas. Slice the onion and the cucumbers. Mix the peas with some of the mayonnaise and arrange it on a platter or little plates for individual helpings. Wrap the eggs in herring fillets and place on the bed of peas. Decorate with onion slices powdered with paprika, cucumber slices and squirts of mayonnaise. A single helping should weigh 100 g, including 20 g of herring. — [2] Normatyw surowcowy na 5 porcji: filety śledziowe – 100 g cebula – 100 g jaja (5 szt.) – 250 g majonez – 100 g groszek zielony – 200 g ogórek kwaszony lub świeży – 50 g papryka cukier do smaku ocet 6-procentowy Jaja ugotować na twardo, obrać. Groszek odcedzić, odsączyć. Cebulę i ogórki pokrajać w krążki. Groszek wymieszać z częścią majonezu i ułożyć z niego podstawę na półmisku lub jednoporcjowo na talerzykach. Jaja owinąć filetami śledziowymi, ustawić na postumencie z groszku. Udekorować krążkami cebuli oprószonej papryką, plastrami ogórka oraz oszprycować majonezem. Porcja potrawy powinna ważyć 100 g, w tym śledź 20 g. Original text: Normatyw surowcowy na 5 porcji: filety śledziowe – 100 g cebula – 100 g jaja (5 szt.) – 250 g majonez – 100 g groszek zielony – 200 g ogórek kwaszony lub świeży – 50 g papryka cukier do smaku ocet 6-procentowy Jaja ugotować na twardo, obrać. Groszek odcedzić, odsączyć. Cebulę i ogórki pokrajać w krążki. Groszek wymieszać z częścią majonezu i ułożyć z niego podstawę na półmisku lub jednoporcjowo na talerzykach. Jaja owinąć filetami śledziowymi, ustawić na postumencie z groszku. Udekorować krążkami cebuli oprószonej papryką, plastrami ogórka oraz oszprycować majonezem. Porcja potrawy powinna ważyć 100 g, w tym śledź 20 g. Course Polish original How they translated it What they meant Cold starter Śledź po japońsku Follow the Japanese Japanese-style Herring Hot starter Pierogi ze szpinakiem i fetą Dumplings with spinach and celebration Spinach-and-Feta-Cheese Pierogi Soup Zupa z szyjek rakowych Cervical cancer soup Crayfish Soup Main Dania z kurczaka Denmark from chicken Chicken Dishes Side Kasza z sosem kurkowym Buckwheat with cocks sauce Buckwheat with Chanterelle Sauce Dessert Lody z adwokatem Ice cream with barrister Ice Cream with Egg Liqueur Dessert Jabłko w cieście winnym Apple pie guilty Winey Apple Fritters