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== A King-in-Exile ==

Poland entered the 18th-century as a great power in decline, in personal union with Electorate of Saxony, a small, but rich, state in what is now eastern Germany, under King Augustus II of House Wettin. Just before the end of the previous century (1698), Augustus was visisted by Tsar Peter the Great of Russia, on his way back from his grand survey of Europe. Both monarchs were unusually tall, strong and able to consume copious amount of alcohol. So when they met, they engaged in a several-day-long bout of binge drinking punctuated with cannon-shooting and bare-handed-horseshoe-breaking contests. And, while they were at it, they also decided to wage war against Sweden. A coalition of Saxon, Russian and Danish forces attacked the mighty Baltic empire soon afterwards (1700). But like many drunken ideas, so did this one go not exactly as intended. The Swedes smashed the Danes in Zealand, the Russians at Narva and the Saxons on the Daugava, and then proceeded to invade Poland. Polish senators tried to explain to King Charles XII of Sweden that Augustus was at war with him as elector of Saxony rather than as king of a neutral Poland. To no avail. The Swedes soon captured Vilno, Warsaw, Poznań and Cracow (1702), and Charles started looking around to find a new king for Poland. His first choice was James Sobieski, the eldest son of the previous king, but Augustus had him imprisoned in Saxony (1704).

The anti-Saxon opposition in Poland sent a delegation to the king of Sweden, headed by the Palatine of Poznań, Stanisław Leszczyński (pronounced ''stah-{{small|NEE}}-swahf lesh-{{small|CHIN}}-skee''). King Charles was so charmed by the young, handsome, well-read and eloquent palatine, that he decided to make Stanisław his own puppet on the Polish throne. The royal election of 1705 – the first in Polish history to be conducted in the presence of foreign troops – was widely considered a farce, but it did dutifully elect the 28-year-old Leszczyński as the dethroned Saxon's successor. He was crowned (in Warsaw rather than in Cracow, the traditional coronation site) with a crown which Charles had lent him for the ceremony and took back just afterwards. The reign of Stanisław I lasted no longer than four years. The situation changed dramatically when the Russians crushed the Swedish army at Poltava (1709), forcing King Charles into exile in the Ottoman Empire. Augustus got his Polish throne back, while Stanisław ran to the Swedish city of Stettin (now Szczecin, Poland) and thence to the Ottoman Empire, to consult further plans with Charles.

Bender, a town in what is now Transnistria (between Moldova and Ukraine), was where King Charles stayed a for a few years after Poltava and the only place in the Ottoman Empire where Stanisław spent any amount of time. He never was in Contantinople, let alone in an Ottoman prison. Eventually (1714), Charles gave him the Swedish-owned Duchy of Two Bridges (now Zweibrücken, Germany), where the former Polish king, inspired by Ottoman architecture, built himself a little palace he called Tschifflik (from Turkish ''çiftlik'', or "farm"). Unfortunately, Stanisław had to move out after his Swedish protector passed away (1718), so he moved to a modest palace in nearby Wissembourg. It's a town in Alsace, a border region which by that point had belonged to France for almost forty years, but was still mostly German-speaking (Alsace would later change hands between Germany and France like a ping pong ball, eventually staying with the latter). Maybe Stanisław would have stayed there for the rest of his life, if not for an unexpected visit by matchmakers from Versailles, who asked him for his daughter's hand in the name of King Louis XV of France. And so Princess Marie Leszczyńska married Louis, seven years her junior, and proved to be an ideal wife; she gave him ten children without getting much in the way of his liaisons with numerous mistresses. Her parents, who wanted to be closer to their daughter, moved in to Chambord, one of the most luxurious ''châteaux'' of the Loire Valley.

Meanwhile, back in Poland, Augustus II continued to reign until he ended his gluttonous life by dying from gangrene after diabetic foot amputation (1733). Stanisław, counting on his son-in-law's support, decided it was a good occasion to try and win back the Polish throne. He travelled incognito back to Warsaw, where he made his sudden appearance on the election field and was chosen – legally, this time – as king of Poland. His earlier coronation was deemed valid, so there was no need to repeat it. However, the history from almost thirty years before repeated itself in reverse – foreign troops, Russian this time around, captured Praga, the eastern suburb of Warsaw, where they arranged a rival election of Augustus II's son, soon afterwards crowned in Cracow as King Augustus III. Stanisław escaped from Warsaw to Danzig (Gdańsk), a city which managed to hold out against a Russian siege for some time. A network of alliances covering Europe transformed the fight for the Polish throne into a major international conflict, which – despite being known as the War of Polish Succession – was fought out mostly in Italy and on the banks of the Rhine. France was quick to capture Lorraine (another border region), but (except a small and unsuccessful landing operation in Westerplatte near Danzig) did little to help Stanisław keep his crown. In the end, Danzig fell and Stanisław, disguised as a peasant, escaped (once again) to Königsberg (now Kaliningrad, Russia).

The war ended with Augustus III staying on the Polish throne; as a consolation prize, Louis XV gave his dad-in-law the Duchy of Lorraine and Bar (1737), where until the end of his days he continued to be addressed as "king" and where, in the words of Voltaire, he was "able to do more good than all the Sarmatian [that is, Polish] kings ever managed to do on the banks of the Vistula."<ref>{{Cyt

Altough Stanislas and the Wettins were fierce political rivals, the were united in their love of good food, sweets, wine and women. In Poland, the reign of Augustus III finally brought a period of long-desired peace, now known as the "Saxon Carnival", when the Polish nobility lived out the proverb:

{{Cytat

| <poem>Under a Saxon king,