== Od Sasa do Lasa ==
[[File:Uczta koronacyjna Stanisława Leszczyńskiego.jpg|thumb|upright|left|King Stanislas's coronation banquet]]
Poland entered the 18th-century as an empire a great power in decline, in personal union with the Electorate of Saxony, a small, but rich, Electorate of Saxony state in what is now eastern Germany, under King Augustus II of house House Wettin. Just before the end of the previous century (1698), Augustus was visisted by Tsar Peter the Great of Russia, on his way back from his grand survey of Europe. Both monarchs were unusually tall, strong and able to consume copious amount of alcohol. When So when they met, they engaged in a several-day-long bout of binge drinking punctuated with cannon-shooting and bare-handed-horseshoe-breaking contests. And, while they were at it, they also decided to wage war against Sweden. Soon afterwards (1700), a A coalition of Saxon, Russian and Danish forces attacked the mighty Baltic empiresoon afterwards (1700). But like many drunk drunken ideas, so did this one go not exactly as intended. The Swedes smashed the Danes in Zealand, the Russians at Narva and the Saxons on the Daugava, and then proceeded to invade Poland. Polish senators tried to explain to King Charles XII of Sweden that Augustus was at war with him as elector of Saxony rather than as king of a neutral Poland, which wished to remain neutral. To no avail. The Swedes soon captured Vilno, Warsaw, Poznań and Cracow (1702), and Charles started looking around to find a new king for Poland. His first choice was James Sobieski, the eldest son of the previous king, but Augustus had him imprisoned in Saxony (1704).
The anti-Saxon opposition in Poland sent a delegation to the king of Sweden, headed by the Palatine of Poznań, Stanisław Leszczyński (pronounced ''stah-{{small|NEE}}-swahf lesh-{{small|CHIN}}-skee''). King Charles was so charmed by the young, handsome, well-read and eloquent palatine, that he decided to make Stanisław his own puppet on the Polish throne. The royal election of 1705 – the first in Polish history to be conducted in the presence of foreign troops – was widely considered a farce, but it did dutifully elect the 28-year-old Leszczyński as the dethroned Saxon's successor. He was crowned (in Warsaw rather than in Cracow, the traditional coronation site) with a crown which Charles had lent him for the ceremony and took back just afterwards. Th The reign of Stanisław I lasted no longer than four years. The situation changed dramatically when the Russians crushed the Swedish army at Poltava (1709), forcing King Charles into exile in the Ottoman Empire. Augustus got his Polish throne back, while Stanisław ran to the Swedish city of Stettin (now Szczecin, Poland) and thence to the Ottoman Empire, to concult consult further plans with Charles.
[[File:Colin Stanislas Ier.jpg|thumb|upright|Stanislas I, King of Poland, Duke of Lorraine and Bar, in the autumn of his years]]
Bender, a town in what is now Transnistria (between Moldova and Ukraine), was where King Charles stayed a for a few years after Poltava and the only place in the Ottoman Empire where Stanisław spent any amount of time. He never was in Contantinople, let alone in an Ottoman prison. Eventually (1714), Charles gave him the Swedish-owned Duchy of Two Bridges (now Zweibrücken, Germany), where the former Polish king, inspired by Ottoman architecture, built himself a little palace he called Tschifflik (from Turkish ''çiftlik'', or "farm"). Unfortunately, Stanisław had to move out after his Swedish protector passed away (1718), so he moved to a modest palace in nearby Wissembourg. It's a town in Alsace, a border region which by that point had belonged to France for almost forty years, but was still mostly German-speaking (Alsace would later change hands between Germany and France like a ping pong ball, eventually staying with the latter). Maybe Stanisław would have stayed there for the rest of his life, if not for an unexpected visit by matchmakers from Versailles, who asked him for his daughter's hand in the name of King Louis XV of France. And so Princess Marie Leszczyńska married Louis, seven years her junior, and proved to be an ideal wife; she gave him ten children without getting much in the way of his liaisons with numerous mistresses. Her parents, who wanted to be closer to their daughter, moved in to Chambord, one of the most luxurious ''châteaux'' of the Loire Valley.
Meanwhile, back in Poland, Augustus II continued to reign until he ended his gluttonous life by dying from gangrene after diabetic foot amputation (1733). Stanisław, counting on his son-in-law's support, decided it was a good occasion to try and win back the Polish throne. He travelled incognito back to Warsaw, where he made his sudden appearance on the election field and was chosen – legally, this time – as king of Poland. His earlier coronation was deemed valid, so there was no need to repeat it. However, the history from almost thirty years before repeated itself in reverse – foreign troops, Russian this time around, captured Praga, the eastern suburb of Warsaw, where they arranged a rival election of Augustus II's son, soon afterwards crowned in Cracow as King Augustus III. Stanisław escaped from Warsaw to Danzig (Gdańsk), a city which managed to hold out against a Russian siege for some time. A network of alliances covering Europe transformed the fight for the Polish throne into a major international conflict, which – despite being known as the War of Polish Succession – was fought out mostly in Italy and on the banks of the Rhine. France was quick to capture Lorraine(another border region), but (except a small and unsuccessful landing operation in Westerplatte near Danzig) did little to help Stanisław keep his crown. In the end, Danzig fell and Stanisław, disguised as a peasant, escaped (once again) to Königsberg (now Kaliningrad, Russia).
[[File:Baba au rhum chez roi Stanislas.jpg|thumb|upright|left|A ''baba au rhum'' being devoured at the court of King Stanislas at Lunéville. Still from Arnaud Sélignac's 2007 biopic ''Divine Émilie''.]]
The war ended with Augustus III staying on the Polish throne; as a consolation prize, Louis XV gave his dad-in-law the Duchy of Lorraine and Bar (1737), where until the end of his days he continued to be addressed as "king" and where, in the words of Voltaire, he was "able to do more good than all the Sarmatian [that is, Polish] kings ever managed to do on the banks of the Vistula."<ref>{{Cyt
| nazwisko = Voltaire
| inni = trans. Robert M. Adams, ed. Nicholas Cronk
| wydawca = W.W. Norton & Company
| rok = 2016
}}</ref>Lorrainers still remember Leszczyński as King Stanislas the Good (''Stanislas le Bienfaisant''), even though he earned this moniker due to the "good tsar, bad boyars" principle, finally living his dream of reigning as charitable enlightened monarch surrounded with artists and philosophers, while leaving the daily chores of running the government to his French chancellor, the widely hated Marquis de La Galaizière. Altough Stanislas and the Wettins were fierce political rivals, the were united by their love of good food, sweets, wine and women. In Poland, the reign of Augustus III finally brought a period of long-desired peace, now known as the "Saxon Carnival", when the Polish nobility lived out the saying:
Ostatecznie wojna skończyła się w ten sposób, że August III pozostał na warszawskim tronie, a Stanisław jako nagrodę pocieszenia dostał od zięcia Księstwo Lotaryngii i Baru (1737), gdzie już do końca życia tytułowano go królem i gdzie, jak ocenił Voltaire, uczynił „więcej dobrego niż wszyscy królowie Sarmatów mogli kiedy zdziałać na brzegach Wisły”.<ref>{{Cyt
| nazwisko = Voltaire
| inni = tłum. Tadeusz Boy-Żeleński
| tytuł = Kandyd czyli optymizm
| url = https://wolnelektury.pl/katalog/lektura/kandyd.html#anchor-idm139931578756128
| miejsce = Warszawa
| rok = 1931
}}</ref> Do dziś zresztą Lotaryńczycy wspominają Leszczyńskiego jako króla Stanisława Dobroczyńcę (''Stanislas le Bienfaisant''), choć dorobił się tej pochlebnej opinii trochę na zasadzie „dobry car, źli bojarzy”, nareszcie realizując w swym pałacu w Lunéville (bo to tam spędzał większość czasu, zamiast w stołecznym Nancy) swoje marzenia o oświeconym panowaniu w otoczeniu filozofów i artystów, a zarządzanie księstwem na codzień pozostawiając przysłanemu z Francji kanclerzowi, którym był powszechnie znienawidzony markiz de La Galaizière.
Choć Leszczyński i Wettinowie byli zaciekłymi przeciwnikami politycznymi, to łączyło ich zamiłowanie do dobrego jedzenia, słodkości, wina i kobiet. W Polsce panowanie Augusta III przyniosło wreszcie dłuższy okres upragnionego pokoju, zwanego saskimi ostatkami, kiedy to szlachta – za przykładem magnatów i samego króla Sasa – jadła, piła i popuszczała pasa. Tymczasem Stanisław w swoim „małym Wersalu” w Lunéville gościł Voltaire'a, Rousseau i Monteskiusza, zabawiał się teatrem automatów w swoich egzotycznych ogrodach i zajadał się równie fantazyjnymi kompozycjami z lodów i cukrów przyrządzonymi przez swego nadwornego cukiernika Josepha Gillers. Choć roztył się straszliwie, to przeżył Augusta III, ale nie próbował już wracać na polski tron, na który imperatorowa Katarzyna Wielka wybrała jego imiennika, Stanisława Poniatowskiego (1764).